Watching

How do you say goodbye to someone you love? To watch them fight so many battles, and know that this, is the last one.
Maria was born to Ukrainian parents. They struggled to raise their children and come to America. She met the man of her dreams, and married him back in the early 70's, I believe. Before all of their friends started having babies, they had tried for years..She miscarried so many times that she gave up on having kids, and decided to be active in all of her dear friends' kids lives.
Deidra and I spent many nights with Maria and Quentin. They still live in the same house that we have so many fond memories of. Maria used to take us to the store and buy us "Blue Smurf Marshmallows", and she always made sure to have scented markers.
3 years ago Maria was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer, I believe there are several hundred forms of breast cancer...she had the worst one...the one that they tell you, if you beat it now...it will return somewhere else sometime. She won the first battle.
In April she went in for her 6 month evaluation, she had been cancer free for 2 years, and the news was good again...there was no cancer.
In June she was once again diagnosed with cancer, only this time it was in her liver. A month and a half after getting a clean bill of health, she was told that there was nothing they could do for her this time. She tried to do chemo to prolong her life, but it was killing her faster than the cancer was. She went home and tried to enjoy her time, while in the back of head knowing that she was going to die.
Maria was admitted back into the hospital yesterday. I just can't believe that her life here with all of us who love her, will soon be gone. She is being eaten by this disease, robbing her of her dignity, and taking her mind. She is the first person in my life, that I have had to watch go through this horrific disease. I hate it for her, and for Quentin, and for everyone that loves her. It just doesn't seem fair.

One Month

December 4th, 1977 I was born....On December 4th, 2007 I will celebrate my 30th birthday.
One more month of my 20's.

Game One: Fenway Park

Ugh...This is how I felt after game one too!

Who Gets To Go?

10:00am Monday morning, World Series tickets go on sale to the public, expected sell out time 4 minutes. At most, 3 games will be played at Coors Field, approx. 18,000 seats per game are for sale. People from Colorado can't wait to get their tickets, not to mention all of the other people all over the country.

We all were sitting by our computers (this was the only way to purchase tickets), ready to click at what we considered 10 am........

12:00pm We find out that their system "crashed", and that only 500 tickets have been sold. We wait by the T.V., and look on the internet in hopes of finding out how and when ticket sales will resume. By 7:00pm, we know that ticket sales will continue sometime on Tuesday.....

11:30am Tuesday We all start prepping our computers for round 2 of ticket sales over the internet.

12:00pm World Series Tickets go on sale again.....Logging in, and clicking as fast as you can, getting to the page to pick your game....waiting...waiting....waiting

Watching the countdown clock that will refresh the page after 120 seconds over and over and over...and it clearly states on the waiting page that if you refresh the page you will go to the end of the line...so you wait.

2:58pm Tickets are sold out.....

I had to write about this because it is so strange to me that we would put ourselves through this. Almost 3 agonizing hours of hoping that I would be the next one into the site. That I would be able to purchase my 4 tickets to see my home team, in my hometown, in their first ever appearance at the World Series.

I won't say that I have been a "die-hard" fan, I don't really watch all of the games, but I am a fan, and I am excited to see them go to the next level of baseball. If you don't know the Rockies very well, up until about 2 months ago, they were never even considered to be a contender, and when they went on this awesome winning streak, we all watched...not expecting it to continue, but excited that it did.

After sitting on the computer for 3 straight hours today, I did not get "my" tickets. There really is no way to know how close I ever was to getting "my" tickets. I am not one of the lucky 54,000 people that will be sitting at Coors Field during one of the World Series games.....

........but I will watch, from my comfy couch in my cozy house, and continue cheering my team onto another sweep in the playoffs...

GO ROCKIES....Future World Series Winners

8 Is Great

Kali will celebrate her 8th birthday this Saturday.

My Kali, is full of not only life...but herself. She has more confidence than most 7 year olds I suspect. Her personality is magnetic. If you don't know her...you want to. She is the kid, that on the first day of school, the kids want to make sure they become friends with.

Kali is smart, and sassy...which sometimes can be challenging for both of us. She loves schoolwork, and being popular, and she really does think that being pretty can take you places in the world!!! We're still working on that one....

Kali has been dancing for 3 years now, and was invited to join the Youth Dance Company at her studio...she would have been the youngest on the team...but she declined...too much commitment she said, and for her to recognize that...made me proud...because I know that she would not have liked spending 6.75 hours a week at dance. Last year it was ballet and jazz, this year she decided to only do hip-hop...which if you knew her, you would know, that this is probably a perfect fit for her.

9-29-99...almost 8 years since she came into our life, and of course changed it.

Kali

Sweet and Sassy all in one

Full of life and loves to have fun

She is the very best middle child

Even though she is crazy and wild

Life without Kali

Where would we be?

For sure I know, that I would not be me.

So, here's to you Kali

My sweet baby girl

As you turn the big 8

In this big wondrous world

Follow your dreams,

Continue making us smile

We are so proud of you

Our best middle child!

Happy Birthday Kali

Love,

Mommy

I Love You

Mommy I love you. I hear that on average about 30-40 times daily and that is on top of how many times she tells Greg also. Tia loves to tell people she loves them. First thing in the morning, then again about ten minutes later, and then again about another 10 minutes later, for the whole day. When she needs nothing...and when she wants something, I would say it is her most overused phrase....and I love it.

This habit started about 2 weeks ago, and although I was sure it would fade quickly, she appears to have figured out, that it is next to near impossible to turn down a child who loves you soooo much!! This morning after deciding to tell the truth about a minuscule event, she had to tell me she loved me just to make sure she wouldn't be in trouble, which she was not anyways.

Our 2 big girls never went through this phase, I mean they have always been open to telling us they loved us more than once a day, but hearing them say it at least 60 times a day never happened.

I have wondered many times since she started her constant I love you's, where they came from... I mean obviously, we know she loves us and we love her too...but what made her decide that she would need to tell us 30 times a day...does she not feel loved...so she tells us, so we say it back to her, or does she feel so loved, she just can't get enough of it, or has she really figured out that most will melt to hear how loved they are by her?

Whatever the reason, I have felt more loved in the last 2 weeks...Thanks Tia

I Love You Too

Kitty Love

It is time for me to post here again...

I have always been an animal lover, to date we have 3 cats, 2 dogs, and a tank full of fish. They fill me with an indescribable sense of companionship. They are loyal, loving me even when I am unlovable, they are always happy to see me, whether it has been 10 minutes or 10 days. I got my love for animals from my mother, who quite frankly, is a much better pet owner than I consider myself. She taught us to love them, and be kind to them, and enjoy them...for all of us know that we will have to say good-bye to many pets over our lifetime.

My first experience with saying goodbye came yesterday. Sure, growing up we had several cats that spent many years with us that my parents had to decide when it was their time, and a dog that we got, who grew up with Deidra and I, who eventually had to leave our lives too...but yesterday was about me....me watching my kitty, and knowing that she was leaving us...I had to decide if I should take her to the vet to be put down, or if I would let her stay and die at home.

I found her very sick on Tuesday evening, granted a year ago she was in the beginning stages of kidney failure. I knew eventually her time would come. I chose not to medicate her after a month of doing so, because it was entirely too stressful for her...she no longer ran to me...she ran from me, and as her owner, I decided that we would enjoy the time that we had with her. That was a little over a year ago.

She was the cat, that chased me all over the house waiting for her canned food in the morning and in the evening...she had lost major weight, and I'm guessing that she was a measly 3 lbs...but boy did she eat. Tuesday evening, when I went to feed them...she didn't come running...when I called her name....she didn't come running...instead she came out of hiding just so I could see her...and then she laid and watched me fill her kitty bowl with her favorite food...and then I carried her to it, and she didn't eat...and then I carried her to the water dish...and she didn't drink. ...and then I knew our time was almost up with her. I cried, while she laid like a baby on my chest. I carried her upstairs and snuggled into bed with her, and prayed, that she would leave us peacefully sometime in the night. She didn't move all night, and in the morning she was just a small piece of the cat she had been just 24 hours prior.

My girls said goodbye to her before they went off to school, and I knew that I would have to decide her fate. To make the decision even harder, was she in pain? Could I just keep her home and hold her until she passed? Is that me being selfish? There was no clear thought on any of it, every answer contradicted the one before. So I researched, when is the right time?...and my decider was not hard to find....It said, "if your cat can not eat, or drink, or get up to move around, then you have waited too long", and my heart sank....should I have put her down at the beginning of kidney failure even though to us she was still full of life? Did I make her spend a year in pain, even though I saw no evidence of pain?

The appointment was set for 3 pm, at a vet I had not seen before, but was very close to home. I loaded her into the car like a baby wrapped in a blanket, and I held her all the way, with her near lifeless body snuggled close to my heart, and her heart struggling to continue to beat next to mine. I got myself as close to composed as I could, and entered the office. I apparently looked like I felt, and the ladies at the counter filled my paperwork out for me, and would only need my signature. Moments before we were done with all the paperwork, I looked at my kitty-girl wrapped in her blankie, in my arms like a baby, and she was gone. I didn't end up having to put her down, but that really was no consolation. She was gone, and I felt sad not only for me and my girls, but for her, and her 2 kitty companions that would never see her again after many years together, and for the man who I got them from 5 years ago after he suffered a heart attack and stroke and none of his family was willing to care for them. How sad he would be to learn that one of them is no longer here.

Losing my beloved kitty-girl(Tasha) is much harder than it had ever been growing up when their fate was not in my hands.

Kitty-angels... fly down, and take my kitty-girl home so she may rest in peace.