Lost Love

After a tearful evening, I had hoped to wake up to a better morning, after all it is Valentine's Day. A day that, to me, is supposed to be full of love and appreciation, hearts and candy, and flowers too. A day to think about about not only how much you love everyone in your life, but also how much they love you...it hasn't gone quite as I had planned yet, although it is only 11:30a.m.:(
I woke up at 5:00, to see Greg leaving for work. I don't usually wake when he leaves, but after a stressful day and evening yesterday, I really did not get any quality sleep. Greg doesn't usually leave that early, with all of his tools still in the garage, which led me back to my crazy spectulations. I thought since he had clearly seen I was awake, that I would get a kiss good-bye, or even a good-bye, or maybe a "Happy Valentines Day", or "I Love you" would have even worked....I got none of these. He left our bedroom, to head out into the dark of morning, without even acknowledging us, on a day that is supposed to be filled with love.
I cried as I had done last night, and wondered will we both still be here next year this time? Will we reconnect at some point, or has too much damage been done...to much to forgive on my part, and too much to fix on his? I love him, but lately, it feels as though we may be past repair.
There is still a lot of today left, time to go to school, and celebrate with my girls. Time to make all of my important phone calls and express my love to great friends and a wonderful loving family. Time to reflect on all that he and I have shared, and lost. Tears....

**Added later:(He arrived home shortly after I posted this blog...with flowers, and apologies for yesterday. I hold on to the glimpses of hope he offers, because I can not yet imagine my life without him. I am going to try to remember, that even though he doesn't always love me the way I want him to, that he does love me with all that he has.)**

My Baby

My last baby turned 4 on January 29th. I know that being 4 doesn't really qualify you as a baby anymore, but a baby she remains to her mommy.

When she was born, she was not supposed to be the last baby at our house. She was going to be one of the 2 middle children. Complications during delivery, and in the first few days after her birth, made what could have been a hard decision, easy. She would be the last. (details in a later blog)

Tia Cooper is incredibly sweet. She has never had a haircut, and has got long, beautiful, brown hair. While the long hair came from me, it is a completely different texture than mine, one that I can only dream of! Everywhere we go, people are always telling her what beautiful hair she has, to which she smiles this innocent little smile and thanks them. She still loves to tell me how much she loves me, and honestly I melt everytime. Tia has fit the mold of being the baby to a "T", which also happens to be what we call her.

Tia started dance and preschool this past August, and she just loves it. Dance on Tuesday, school on Friday, and every day I wake up to her wondering, if it is either of the days she has something to do. 4 years gone so fast, almost unbelievable:(

My baby is 4

A baby no more

Happy Birthday Big Girl